Michelle: (00:03:32) I don’t feel secure in my financial life. Since the coronavirus, we’ve actually started saving money. And we both put money in our IRA for two years in a row. But we live like we’re twenty-five years old. Everything about money is exciting. I was supposed to get married and have a husband who would take care of me, take care of my finances, and invest for us. I didn’t think I would be 52 with so little savings, living like 25. When something happens, it’s like, “Oh my God, how are we going to pay for this?”
Ramit Sethi: (00:04:14) Where did this story come from and what was it supposed to be? Where did you start telling yourself that story?
Michelle: (00:04:20) My parents helping me didn’t really help me
Ramit Sethi: (00:04:23) Tell me more about that.
Michelle: (00:04:25) Yeah, they always helped me even when I moved away a little bit. I lived in North Carolina and wanted a one bedroom apartment. My mom says, “No, you need a two-bedroom apartment.” So I paid for the two bedroom apartment. She always says: I wanted to go on a trip, my mother gave me money. I wanted this, my mother gave me money. So it was a pattern and why not? My mother gave me money. I needed it. I wanted it. So I took it.
Ramit Sethi: (00:04:58) Looking back, what lessons do you think you learned from your parents who always helped you?
Michelle: (00:05:06) Maybe gratitude and generosity, how people are generous with money and grateful for their financial support.
Ramit Sethi: (00:05:16) Anything else?
Michelle: (00:05:18) I don’t think it helped me grow or be responsible with money. I’ve never had to make a budget in my entire life. I never knew anything about money. We never talked about it at my house either. It was my upbringing. I am Jewish. So you marry a doctor, and the doctor takes care of you. My father took care of my mother. I think it’s generational for us.
Ramit Sethi: (00:05:46) And when you were meeting with Eric, did you have those conversations?
Michelle: (00:05:53) No, I don’t think so. There have been a lot of assumptions. I don’t think we ever talked about money. I assumed we grew up in the same city, upper middle class. No, we never discussed money before we got married.
Ramit Sethi: (00:06:11) And how does money come into your relationship?
Michelle: (00:06:15) It comes with a lot of emotions and anger.
Ramit Sethi: (00:06:19) Oh, like what?
Michelle: (00:06:23) Like anger. I’m angry at him because he wasn’t responsible, because he didn’t take care of me, because he didn’t talk about it, because he didn’t participate in the savings or any bills, all of that.